Stories · 1883

Twenty-Six (Excerpts from a Diary)

Двадцать шесть (выписки из дневника)

Headnote

"Twenty-Six (Excerpts from a Diary)" appeared in 1883, one of the short comic pieces Chekhov was turning out at speed under the signature Antosha Chekhonte for the Moscow and Petersburg weeklies. The title refers to the twenty-six leave petitions that pile up over the course of the entries – the joke’s punchline, arrived at only once the reader has assembled the full pattern from a dozen disconnected diary scraps.

The form is the mock-diary, a device Chekhov used repeatedly in these years: a first-person narrator whose entries, read straight, are self-important and oblivious, and whose real situation – a domineering, unfaithful wife, a household staffed by clerks who are not really his to command, a bureaucrat’s habit of filing his own marriage under the same dry administrative register as "case-file 1302" – emerges only in the gaps between what he records. He notes global finance and the state of France in the same breath as his wife’s tantrums; he "kills" a mouse in a legal file with the same flat notation he gives to a servant’s dismissal. The comedy is entirely structural: nothing is explained, and the narrator never grasps what the reader has already worked out – that the gate banging all night, the clerk Karyavov’s furtive comings and goings, the sudden rash of leave requests to a suspiciously specific town, and his wife’s unexplained departure "for a cure" are all the same story.

The piece is slight and disposable by the standards of column-filler, but it already shows the mechanism Chekhov would refine for the rest of his career: the narrator who reports faithfully and understands nothing, and a truth that the reader must reconstruct from omission rather than statement.

(Excerpts from a Diary)
(Выписки из дневника)
The 2nd of the same month. After dining, reflected on the lamentable state of Western European finance. Engaged a housekeeper.
2-го того же мес. Пообедав, размышлял о плачевном состоянии западноевропейских финансов. Пригласил в экономки.
The 18th of June. She rioted at dinner. Evidently undergoing some spiritual upheaval. Fear it may be an affair of the heart. Read a leading article in "The Voice"... Out of the question!!!
18-го июня. Бунтовала за обедом. Переживает, по-видимому, душевный переворот. Боюсь, чтоб не амуры. Читал в "Голосе" передовую статью... Нельзя-с!!!
The 4th of December. The gate banged all night. At five in the morning saw the clerk Karyavov coming out of my courtyard. When I asked what he was doing there, Karyavov grew flustered. Was up to something, the scoundrel. Will have to dismiss him.
4-го декабря. Всю ночь хлопали калиткой. В пять часов утра видел канцеляриста Карявова выходящим из моего двора. На мой вопрос, зачем он здесь, Карявов смутился. На что-то покуситься хотел, шельма. Надо будет уволить.
The 28th of the same month. She rioted all day. What devil keeps prowling about? Caught a mouse in case-file 1302. Killed it.
28-го того же мес. Бунтовала весь день. Кой чёрт это шляется? Поймал в деле 1302 мышь. Убил.
New Year. Received congratulations. Presented her, for her edification, with an improving book. She rioted all day. In a state of dejection, wrote a composition: "On the Attack of the Pechenegs upon Ufa Province." Saw a vision.
Новый год. Принимал поздравления. Преподнес ей для назидания душеполезную книгу. Весь день бунтовала. Находясь в унынии, писал сочинение: "О нападении печенегов на Уфимскую губернию". Видел видение.
The 4th of the same month. She tore up both the book and my composition. Ordered Karyavov reinstated. Shall comply, my darling! In the evening she rioted, tore up my papers, fell into hysterics, and announced that she is leaving shortly for Samara Province, to take a cure for her chest. I forbid it!!
4-го того же мес. Разорвала и книгу и мое сочинение. Приказала воротить Карявова. Исполню, душенька! Вечером бунтовала, рвала мои бумаги, падала в гистерику и объявила, что на днях уезжает в Самарскую губ. лечиться от грудей. Не пущу!!
The 6th of February. Gone!! Lay on her bed the whole day, wept, and reasoned thus: "She is in good health, therefore it is not for a cure that she has gone. There is another matter here: an affair. I suspect she has been taken with one of my young clerks. But with which one, and how? I shall know tomorrow, for the guilty party will ask for leave, in order to go to her. He, the scoundrel, will hand me his petition for leave, and I shall... catch him!!" All night the gate did not bang, and yet I slept badly. Despite my dejection, reflected on the calamitous state of France. Saw two visions at once. Lord, forgive us sinners!
6-го февраля. Уехала!! Лежал целый день на ее кровати, плакал и так рассуждал: "Она здорова, следственно не лечиться поехала. Тут другая статья: амуры. Подозреваю, что увлечена одним из моих молокососов канцелярских. Но с кем и как? Узнаю завтра, ибо виновник попросится в отпуск, дабы к ней поехать. Он, шельма, подает мне прошение об отпуске, а я его... цап!! Ночью не хлопали калиткой, а все-таки спал плохо. Несмотря на уныние, размышлял о бедственном состоянии Франции. Видел два видения сразу. Господи, прости нас, грешных!
The 7th of February. Twenty-six petitions for leave submitted. All of them!!! Just wait... They ask to go to Kronstadt. So that is where this Samara Province lies! Just wait...
7-го февраля. Подано двадцать шесть прошений об отпуске. Все!!! Постой же... Просятся в Кронштадт. Так вот она где, эта Самарская губ.! Постой же...
The 8th of the same month. My grief is undiminished. Remain in dejection. Gave everyone and everything a dressing-down. The whole chancery broke into a sweat – no time for love now. Saw Kronstadt in a dream.
8-го того же мес. Не менее скорблю. Пребываю в унынии. Разнес всех и вся. Вся канцелярия вспотела – не до любви ей теперь. Видел во сне Кронштадт.
The 14th of the same month. Yesterday, Sunday, Karyavov went off somewhere out of town; today he walks about the chancery smiling sarcastically... I shall dismiss him.
14-го того же мес. Вчера, в воскресенье, Карявов ездил куда-то за город, сегодня же ходит по канцелярии и саркастически улыбается... Уволю.
The 25th of the same month. Received a letter from her. She orders me to send money and to take Karyavov back into service. Shall comply, my darling! Wait and see! Yesterday three more went off out of town... Whose gate is it they are banging now?
25-го того же мес. Получил от нее письмо. Приказывает прислать денег и снова принять на службу Карявова. Исполню, душенька! Дожидайся! Вчера еще трое ездили за город... Чьей-то калиткой хлопают они теперь?

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