Stories · 1884

Fintiflyushki

Финтифлюшки

Headnote

1 Fintiflyushki – roughly “Trifles,” or “Bits and Bobs,” the word used for small decorative frippery of no real substance – appeared in 1884, during the years Chekhov was publishing rapid-fire humor pieces in the Petersburg and Moscow comic weeklies to support himself and his family while finishing his medical degree. It is not a story in the ordinary sense but a string of five brief anecdotes, unconnected in plot or character, joined only by a recurring target: the vanity, cruelty, and casual self-interest of the landowning and official classes.

Each anecdote is built the way the early Antosha Chekhonte pieces are built – a single absurd premise driven to its punchline in a few lines, with no narratorial comment before or after. A count fabricates ancestral portraits of “Adam” and “Eve” to manufacture a lineage; another prefers his new carriage’s age to his new title’s; a landowner values his hunting neighbors’ goodwill over his own game; a magistrate lectures a starving thief on the virtue of work; a prosecutor learns from a defendant, his own former schoolmate, that all their other classmates have ended up in penal servitude. The forms vary – riddle, dialogue, courtroom exchange – but the target does not: each sketch catches a figure of authority revealing, in one unguarded remark, exactly how little he understands or cares about the people beneath him.

The pieces are trifles by design, disposable copy for a magazine page, and Chekhov does not ask them to be more. But the method is already the mature one in miniature: no adjective tells the reader what to think of the count, the judge, or the prosecutor. The characters convict themselves in their own words, and the anecdote ends the instant the words have landed.

A certain Russian tyrant of a landowner, one Count Rubets-Otkachalov, took a terrible
Один российский самодур, некий граф Рубец-Откачалов, ужасно
pride in the antiquity of his line, and made it his business to prove that his family belonged to
кичился древностью своего рода и доказывал, что род его принадлежит к самым
the most ancient... Not content with the historical record and all he knew of
древним... Не довольствуясь историческими данными и всем тем, что он знал о
his forebears, he unearthed from somewhere two old, decrepit portraits,
своих предках, он откопал где-то два старых, завалящих портрета, изображавших
a man and a woman, and had inscribed under one: "Adam Rubets-Otkachalov,"
мужчину и женщину, и под одним велел подписать: "Адам Рубец-Откачалов", под
under the other – "Eve Rubets-Otkachalova"...
* * *
* * *
Another count, raised to his countship for
Другого графа, возведенного в графское достоинство за свои
personal service, was asked why there was no coat of arms on his carriage.
личные заслуги, спросили, почему на его карете нет герба.
– Because, – he answered, – my carriage is a good deal
– А потому, – отвечал он, – что моя карета гораздо
older than my countship...
старее моего графства...
* * *
* * *
The steward of a certain landowner’s estates reported to his master that
Управляющий имениями одного помещика доложил своему барину, что
his neighbors were hunting on his land, and asked permission to put a stop to such
на его землях охотятся соседи, и просил разрешения не дозволять больше подобного
willfulness...
своевольства...
– Let it be, brother! – the landowner waved his hand. – I find it far
– Оставь, братец! – махнул рукой помещик. – Мне много
pleasanter to have friends than hares.
приятнее иметь друзей, нежели зайцев.
* * *
* * *
A very absent-minded justice of the peace, but one fond of dispensing fatherly advice,
Очень рассеянный, но любивший давать отеческие советы, мировой
once asked a thief on trial before him:
судья спросил однажды у судившегося у него вора:
– How did you come to take up thieving?
– Как это вы решились на воровство?
– Out of hunger, your honor! Hunger drives even the wolf out of the
– С голода, ваше высокородие! Голод ведь и волка из лесу
forest!
гонит!
– No excuse – he ought to work! – the judge observed severely.
– Напрасно, он должен работать! – строго заметил судья.
* * *
* * *
A district-court prosecutor, recognizing among the defendants a former
Прокурор окружного суда, узнав в одном из подсудимых своего
schoolmate, asked him, among other things, whether he knew what had become of
товарища по школе, спросил его между прочим, не знает ли он, что сталось и с
their other schoolfellows.
остальными его товарищами?
– Present company excepted, they’re all doing hard labor, –
– Исключая вас и меня, все в арестантских ротах, –
the defendant answered.
отвечал подсудимый.
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