Stories · 1880

An Unsuccessful Visit

Неудачный визит

Headnote

"An Unsuccessful Visit" ("Неудачный визит") is another of the sixteen-year-old column inches Chekhov was turning out in 1880, in his first year of writing for the Moscow and Petersburg humor weeklies as "Antosha Chekhonte." It runs to sixteen short beats and reads almost as stage direction: a caption sequence rather than a story, meant to be taken in at a glance and land its joke before the reader has quite settled into the page.

The situation is a stock one for the genre – a self-satisfied caller, new to the house, flirting with the maid in the front hall before he has even removed his coat – and Chekhov plays it entirely through gesture and brusque speech, never once telling the reader what to think of the dandy’s behavior. The narration does not editorialize; it reports the slap of a glove against a waist, a blush, a girl fleeing "red as a poppy," with the same flat notation it gives the removal of a hat. The reversal is a single line, withheld to the very end: the girl in the pinafore he has been pawing in the hall turns out to be the daughter of the house he has come to court in. Chekhov does not spell out the caller’s humiliation – he simply closes on "A picture," the deadpan caption that was this genre’s signature exit line, and lets the reader supply the dandy’s face.

It is slight literally by design – one of dozens of such squibs Chekhov filed to support himself and his family while still a medical student – but the method is already the mature one in miniature: no verdict pronounced, the joke assembled entirely out of concrete, reported particulars, and the silence at the end doing the real work.

A dandy sweeps into a house he has never before set foot in. He has come to call... In the front hall he is met by a girl of about sixteen, in a print dress and a white pinafore.
Франт влетает в дом, в котором ранее никогда еще не был. С визитом приехал... В передней встречается ему девочка лет шестнадцати, в ситцевом платьице и белом фартучке.
"Are your people at home?" he addresses the girl breezily.
– Ваши дома? – обращается он развязно к девочке.
"At home."
– Дома.
"Mm... A peach! And is the mistress at home?"
– Мм... Персик! И барыня дома?
"At home," says the girl, and for some reason turns red.
– Дома, – говорит девочка и почему-то краснеет.
"Mm. A little piece of goods! A little rascal! Where shall I put my hat?"
– Мм. Штучка! Шшшельмочка! Куда шапку положить?
"Wherever you like. Let go! This is strange..."
– Куда угодно. Пустите! Странно...
"Well, what are you blushing for? Come now! I won’t eat you..."
– Ну, чего краснеешь? Эка! Не слопаю...
And the dandy strikes the girl on the waist with his glove.
И франт бьет девочку перчаткой по талии.
"Come now! Not bad at all! Not bad-looking! Go and announce me!"
– Эка! А ничего! Недурна! Поди доложи!
The girl turns red as a poppy and runs off.
Девочка краснеет, как мак, и убегает.
"Still young!" the dandy concludes, and goes into the drawing room.
– Молода еще! – заключает франт и идет в гостиную.
In the drawing room, a meeting with the lady of the house. They sit down, they chat...
В гостиной встреча с хозяйкой. Садятся, болтают...
About five minutes later the girl in the pinafore passes through the drawing room.
Минут через пять через гостиную проходит девочка в фартучке.
"My eldest daughter!" says the lady of the house, and points to the print dress.
– Моя старшая дочь! – говорит хозяйка и указывает на ситцевое платье.
A picture.
Картина.

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