Stories · 1880

In Winkler's Museum

В музее винклера,

Headnote

1 In Winkler’s Museum (“V muzee Vinklera” in the original) is one of Chekhov’s earliest published pieces, appearing in 1880 under the pseudonym “Antosha Chekhonte,” when its author was a twenty-year-old medical student supporting his family by turning out squibs for the Moscow humor magazines. It belongs to a small, very of-its-moment genre: the parody advertisement or mock-guidebook entry, built entirely out of the deadpan cataloguing voice of a museum handbill or newspaper notice.

Winkler’s waxworks-and-curiosities museum was a real Moscow attraction on Tsvetnoy Boulevard, the kind of cabinet of oddities – part sideshow, part instructive exhibit – common to nineteenth-century capitals. Chekhov does not describe it; he impersonates its catalogue, item by item, and lets the absurdity accumulate through the exhibit-label’s own solemn diction. A theater carriage six centuries old, ruined by a sparrow; two ancient, threadbare horses said to have unhorsed a French marquis in 1812; a devotional portrait of a contemporary reactionary churchman recast, via a mock-Latin caption, as a conqueror who failed to conquer; the Apollo Belvedere dressed for decency in a tailcoat; the very nets that snared Antony and Cleopatra; a white rat found baked into a bread roll. Each item is presented with the same flat, cataloguing gravity, and the parody lands precisely because the voice never winks.

The Latin tags and their bracketed Russian glosses belong to Chekhov himself – a favorite device of his mock-erudite museum-label and newspaper-notice sketches of these years, imitating the pseudo-scholarly footnoting of the popular press. They are part of the joke, not editorial apparatus, and are preserved here as Chekhov set them.

The piece is slight by design: a single comic idea, extended item by item, in the fast, broad manner of the earliest Chekhonte sketches, with none of the later stories’ interest in interior life. Its interest today is partly historical – a glimpse of the popular entertainments and the throwaway journalism of 1880s Moscow – and partly as an early specimen of a device (the deadpan catalogue, the institutional voice turned to absurdity) that Chekhov would use again, more pointedly, throughout his comic apprenticeship.

besides every conceivable nonsense from the Old World and the New, the following further curiosities are also on display:
кроме всевозможной чепухи стран Старого и Нового Света, показываются еще и следующие редкости:
1) A theatrical carriage, built in the year 1343. Holds 26 ballerinas, 8 noble fathers, and 5 comic old women. Fit for nothing, but majestic. The roof was stove in last week, before a rehearsal, by a sparrow that had alighted on the carriage in order to help itself to the wadding that had fallen out of the coachman’s cap.
1) Театральная карета, сооруженная в 1343 году. Вмещает в себе 26 балерин, 8 благородных отцов и 5 комических старух. Никуда не годна, но величественна. Верх проломан, на прошлой неделе, перед репетицией, воробьем, севшим на карету, дабы воспользоваться ватой, выпавшей из шапки возницы.
2) Two theatrical horses, harnessed to the aforementioned carriage, of indeterminate color, maneless, tailless, with corkscrew legs. One is 84 years old, the other 67. On one of them, in 1812, a French general was taken prisoner, the Marquis de Blancmange. They feed on straw and weeds. It is said these are the finest of theatrical horses. Scarcely fit for racing... They are devoted to the theatrical profession and (o, equina simplicitas!! (oh, equine simplicity!! [Latin].)) consider themselves full-fledged members of the artistic corporation.
2) Две театральные лошади, впряженные в означенную карету, неопределенной масти, безгривые, бесхвостые, с винтообразными ногами. Одной 84 года, другой – 67. На одной из них в 1812 году был взят в плен французский генерал, маркиз Бланманже. Питаются соломой и бурьяном. Говорят, что это лучшие из театральных лошадей. Для скачек едва ли годны... Театральное дело любят и (o, equina simplicitas!! о, лошадиная простота!! (лат.).) считают себя непременными членами артистической корпорации.
3) A portrait of the Jesuit Tsitovich in monastic dress. The lips are parted, and the right hand is raised aloft, impressively. Beneath it, the caption: “Veni, vidi, non vici (I came, I saw, but I did not conquer [Latin].), took, and... of course, left. Homo maximissimus” (The greatest of men [Latin].).
3) Портрет иезуита Цитовича в монашеской одежде. Уста раскрыты, и правая рука внушительно поднята вверх. Под ним подпись: "Veni, vidi, non vici Пришел, увидел, но не победил (лат)., взял и... разумеется, ушел. Homo maximissimus" Величайший человек (лат.)..
4) The Apollo Belvedere. A pearl of art. Acquired for 10,000 rubles. Bearing in mind that our museum is at times visited by mesdames, mesdemoiselles, and youths under the age of 25, we, in the interests of morality, on the advice of the inspector of the school of painting, have dressed the statue in a tailcoat. Attired by Haye, top hat by Poch, footwear by Lvov.
4) Аполлон Бельведерский. Перл искусства. Приобретен за 10000 руб. Принимая во внимание, что наш музей посещают иногда mesdames, mesdemoiselles и юноши моложе 25 лет, мы, в видах нравственности, по совету г. инспектора училища живописи, нарядили статую в фрачную пару. Одевал Айе, цилиндр от Поша и обувь от Львова.
5) The nets in which the fair Cleopatra ensnared the dissolute Antony.
6) A white rat (stultum animal (a stupid animal [Latin].), 1 1/4 feet in height. A rare specimen. Found in 1880, baked into a Filippov roll. A specimen preserved in spirits. A novelty for young zoologists.
6) Белая крыса (stultum animal глупое животное (лат.).), 1 1/4, фута роста. Редкий экземпляр, Найдена в 1880 году запеченной в филипповском калаче. Наспиртованный препарат. Новинка для молодых зоологов.

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