Stories · 1886

A Man (A Bit of Philosophy)

Человек (немножко философии)

Headnote

1 "A Man (A Bit of Philosophy)" (1886) is one of Chekhov’s shortest and most pointed early sketches, built almost entirely around a single pun. A young waiter, standing at the edge of a ballroom in his black tailcoat, watches the dancers and indulges in a swelling interior monologue on the misery of being human – a slave to his own passions and to the whims of the glittering, indifferent crowd he serves. He works himself up to a near-Hamletian pitch, longing for the moment he will "cease to be a man."

2 The joke turns on the Russian word "человек" (chelovek), which means both "a human being" – the grand philosophical subject of his monologue – and, in the everyday usage of the period, the standard form of address for a waiter or manservant, roughly equivalent to calling out "Garçon!" A beautiful young woman promptly interrupts his reverie by summoning him exactly that way, asking for a glass of water. He instantly drops his philosophy and obeys. The English translation renders her line as "Waiter, bring me some water!" to preserve the pun’s logic for readers without access to the Russian double meaning: the man who has just spent several paragraphs agonizing over the indignity of being "a man" is immediately reduced to his function as "the man," an interchangeable piece of the furniture of the ball.

3 The piece belongs to Chekhov’s early comic miniatures for the humor press, published under deadline pressure in the mid-1880s, and it anticipates the mature Chekhov’s recurring interest in the gap between a character’s inflated self-regard and the smallness of the social role actually available to him.

(A Bit of Philosophy)
(Немножко философии)
A tall, well-built brunet – young, but already a good deal lived-in – in a black tailcoat and a snow-white necktie, stood by the door and gazed, not without sorrow, at the ballroom, full of dazzling lights and waltzing couples.
Высокий стройный брюнет, молодой, но уже достаточно поживший, в черном фраке и белоснежном галстуке, стоял у двери и не без грусти смотрел на залу, полную ослепительных огней и вальсирующих пар.
"How hard and how dreary it is to be a man!" he thought. "A man is a slave – not only to his passions, but to his fellow men as well. Yes, a slave! I am a slave to this gaudy, merrymaking crowd, which repays me by not noticing me at all. Its will, its petty whims, bind me hand and foot, the way a boa constrictor’s gaze binds a rabbit. I am not afraid of work, I am glad to serve – but it is sickening to fawn! And, really, why am I here? What am I serving? This endless bustle with flowers, with champagne, which runs me off my feet, with ladies and their ice cream... it is unbearable!! No, terrible is the lot of man! Oh, how happy I shall be when I cease to be a man!"
"Тяжело и скучно быть человеком! – думал он. – Человек – это раб не только страстей, но и своих ближних. Да, раб! Я раб этой пестрой, веселящейся толпы, которая платит мне тем, что не замечает меня. Ее воля, ее ничтожные прихоти сковывают меня по рукам и ногам, как удав своим взглядом сковывает кролика. Труда я не боюсь, служить рад, но прислуживаться тошно! И, собственно, зачем я здесь? Чему служу? Эта вечная возня с цветами, с шампанским, которая сбивает меня с ног, с дамами и их мороженым... невыносимо!! Нет, ужасна ты, доля человека! О, как я буду счастлив, когда перестану быть человеком!"
I do not know what further thoughts our young pessimist might have arrived at, had a girl of remarkable beauty not approached him just then. The young beauty’s face burned with color and breathed resolve. She drew a gloved hand across her marble brow and said, in a voice that rang out like a melody:
Не знаю, до чего бы еще додумался молодой пессимист, если бы к нему не подошла девушка замечательной красоты. Лицо молодой красавицы горело румянцем и дышало решимостью. Она провела перчаткой по своему мраморному лбу и сказала голосом, который прозвучал, как мелодия:
"Waiter, bring me some water!"
– Человек, дайте мне воды!
The man made a respectful face, started from his place, and ran.
Человек сделал почтительное лицо, рванулся с места и побежал.

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