The Rook
Грач
Headnote
1 "The Rook" (1886) is one of Chekhov’s brief comic dialogues, cast as an imagined conversation between the narrator and a rook he meets in a spring-ploughed field. Learning that the bird is 376 years old – rooks being proverbial, along with pike, for extraordinary longevity – the narrator is first delighted, then indignant: given so vast a span of years, he reasons, he himself would have written prolifically, married often, risen to high rank, and grown rich on compound interest. The rook has done none of this; it has only eaten, slept, and bred.
2 The piece belongs to Chekhov’s early "little scene" mode – short, talky, built almost entirely on dialogue – and turns on a familiar satirical inversion: the human interlocutor lectures the animal on its wasted life, only for the animal to turn the mirror back on him. The rook’s closing speech is the story’s real point: for all their long lives, rooks have never made war on one another, never swindled, slandered, or blackmailed one another, never betrayed their own kind – a quiet indictment of human "civilization" delivered just as the rook is called away mid-sentence by its flock, leaving the accusation unanswered.
The rooks had arrived and were already wheeling in crowds over the Russian ploughland. I picked out the most dignified-looking of them and struck up a conversation. Unfortunately, the rook I got hold of was a reasoner and a moralist, and so the talk turned out a dull one. Here is what we talked about:
Грачи прилетели и толпами уже закружились над русской пашней. Я выбрал самого солидного из них и начал с ним разговаривать. К сожалению, мне попался грач – резонер и моралист, а потому беседа вышла скучная. Вот о чем мы беседовали:
I. – They say you rooks live a very long time. You, and pike besides, are held up by the natural scientists as models of extraordinary longevity. How old are you?
Я. – Говорят, что вы, грачи, живете очень долго. Вас, да еще щук, естествоиспытатели ставят образцом необыкновенного долголетия. Тебе сколько лет?
The Rook. – I am three hundred and seventy-six years old.
Грач. – Мне 376 лет.
I. – Well now! I say! Nothing to say to that, you’ve had a life of it! In your place, old fellow, I’d have churned out God knows how many articles for "Russian Antiquity" and the "Historical Herald"! If I’d lived three hundred and seventy-six years, just imagine how many stories, sketches, and trifles I’d have written in that time! What a pile of fees I’d have raked in! And what, pray, have you, rook, done with all that time?
Я. – Ого! Однако! Нечего сказать, пожил! На твоем месте, старче, я чёрт знает сколько статей накатал бы в "Русскую старину" и в "Исторический вестник"! Проживи я 376 лет, то воображаю, сколько бы написал я за это время рассказов, сцен, мелочишек! Сколько бы я перебрал гонорара! Что же ты, грач, сделал за всё это время?
The Rook. – Nothing, sir! I have only eaten, drunk, slept, and propagated my kind...
Грач. – Ничего, г. человек! Я только пил, ел, спал и размножался...
I. – Shame on you! I am both ashamed and hurt on your account, you foolish bird! You have lived in this world three hundred and seventy-six years, and you are just as much a fool as you were three hundred years ago! Not a groat’s worth of progress!
Я. – Стыдись! Мне и стыдно и обидно за тебя, глупая птица! Прожил ты на свете 376 лет, а так же глуп, как и 300 лет тому назад! Прогресса ни на грош!
The Rook. – Wisdom, sir, is given not by length of years but by upbringing and education. Take China, now... It has lived a good deal longer than I, and yet it has remained just as much a dunce as it was a thousand years ago.
Грач. – Ум дается, г. человек, не многолетием, а воспитанием и образованием. Возьмите вы Китай... Прожил он гораздо больше меня, а между тем остался таким же балбесом, каким был и 1000 лет тому назад.
I (continuing to marvel). – Three hundred and seventy-six years! Why, what a thing that is! A whole eternity! In that time I’d have managed to pass through every faculty at the university, I’d have managed to marry twenty times over, I’d have tried my hand at every career and every post there is, I’d have risen to God knows what rank, and I’d surely have died a Rothschild! Understand this, you fool: a single rouble put in the bank at five per cent compound interest turns into a million in two hundred and eighty-three years! Work it out for yourself! So if you had put a single rouble in the bank two hundred and eighty-three years ago, you would by now have a million! Ah, you fool, you fool! And it isn’t hurtful to you, isn’t shameful, that you should be so stupid?
Я (продолжая изумляться). – 376 лет! Ведь это что же такое! Целая вечность! За это время я успел бы на всех факультетах побывать, успел бы 20 раз жениться, перепробовал бы все карьеры и должности, дослужился бы до чёрт знает какого чина и наверное бы умер Ротшильдом! Ведь ты пойми, дура: один рубль, положенный в банк по 5 сложных процентов, обращается через 283 года в миллион! Высчитай-ка! Стало быть, если бы ты 283 года тому назад положил в банк один рубль, то у тебя теперь был бы миллион! Ах, ты, дурак, дурак! И тебе не обидно, не стыдно, что ты так глуп?
The Rook. – Not in the least... We may be stupid, but we can console ourselves that in four hundred years of our life we commit far fewer follies than a man does in his forty... Yes indeed, sir! I have lived three hundred and seventy-six years, but never once have I seen rooks make war upon one another and kill one another, whereas you cannot recall a single year in which there was no war... We do not fleece one another, we do not open pawnshops or boarding schools without the ancient languages, we do not slander, we do not blackmail, we do not write bad novels and verses, we do not put out scurrilous newspapers... I have lived three hundred and seventy-six years and I have never seen our females deceive and wrong their mates – but what of you, sir? Among us there are no lackeys, no toadies, no bootlickers, no betrayers of their own kind...
Грач. – Нисколько... Мы глупы, но зато можем утешаться, что за 400 лет своей жизни мы делаем глупостей гораздо меньше, чем человек в свои 40... Да-с, г. человек! Я живу 376 лет, но ни разу не видел, чтобы грачи воевали между собой и убивали друг друга, а вы не помните года, в который не было бы войны... Мы не обираем друг друга, не открываем ссудных касс и пансионов без древних языков, не клевещем, не шантажируем, не пишем плохих романов и стихов, не издаем ругательных газет... Я прожил 376 лет и не видел, чтобы наши самки обманывали и обижали своих мужей, – а у вас, г. человек? Между нами нет лакеев, подхалимов, подлипал, христопродавцев...
But at that moment my companion was hailed by his fellows, and, without finishing his tirade, he flew off across the ploughland.
Но тут моего собеседника окликнули его товарищи, и он, не докончив своей тирады, полетел через пашню.