Stories · 1883

Fat and Thin

Толстый и тонкий

Headnote

"Fat and Thin" first appeared on 1 October 1883 in the humor magazine Oskolki (Splinters), signed A. Chekhonte – one of the pen-names Chekhov used through the early 1880s while he was still a medical student turning out comic sketches for the weeklies. It belongs to the first gear of his work: fast, broad, built on a single absurdity and timed to land in two pages. The whole story is a meeting on a station platform and the turn that meeting takes the moment one man learns the other’s rank.

That rank is the engine. Russia’s imperial Table of Ranks set every official in a graded hierarchy, and Chekhov measures the distance between the two old schoolfellows by it precisely: the thin man is a collegiate assessor (a middling rung, with a minor decoration, the Order of St. Stanislaus, to show for it), while the fat man has climbed to privy councillor near the top, with two stars on his breast. The comedy is not in the gap itself but in what the gap does to the smaller man’s body and speech. Up to the disclosure the two embrace, weep, trade childhood nicknames – Herostratus, who burned a temple for fame; Ephialtes, the traitor of Thermopylae, here demoted to a schoolboy tattletale. After it, the thin man physically shrinks, his luggage seems to shrink with him, and his sentences acquire the obsequious -s of the servile clerk (rendered here as the tacked-on "sir") and dissolve into giggling. The fat man, who wanted only an old friend, is nauseated by the transformation.

Watch how little Chekhov supplies. He never names the feeling; he reports the buttoning of a uniform, the longer chin, the three fingers offered for a handshake, the bow "with the whole torso," and lets the cringe do its own work. The wife and the silent boy Nafanail – thinking, taking off his cap, hiding behind his father – are pure exterior, and that exteriority is the method in miniature. The repeated tag "pleasantly stunned" closes both the opening reunion and the degraded parting, so that the same phrase that began in warmth ends in something closer to disgust, the irony carried entirely by recurrence rather than comment. The piece reads as a small, exact diagnosis of how rank corrodes affection – a theme Chekhov would return to with far less laughter and far more pity in the decade that followed.

At the Nikolaevsky railway station two friends met: one fat, the other thin. The fat one had just dined at the station, and his lips, glazed with butter, glistened like ripe cherries. He smelled of sherry and orange blossom. The thin one had only just stepped off the train and was loaded down with suitcases, bundles, and bandboxes. He smelled of ham and coffee grounds. From behind his back peered a scrawny woman with a long chin – his wife, and a tall schoolboy with a squinting eye – his son.
На вокзале Николаевской железной дороги встретились два приятеля: один толстый, другой тонкий. Толстый только что пообедал на вокзале, и губы его, подернутые маслом, лоснились, как спелые вишни. Пахло от него хересом и флер-д’оранжем. Тонкий же только что вышел из вагона и был навьючен чемоданами, узлами и картонками. Пахло от него ветчиной и кофейной гущей. Из-за его спины выглядывала худенькая женщина с длинным подбородком – его жена, и высокий гимназист с прищуренным глазом – его сын.
– Porfiry! – cried the fat one, catching sight of the thin one. – Is it you? My dear fellow! How many winters, how many years!
Порфирий! – воскликнул толстый, увидев тонкого. – Ты ли это? Голубчик мой! Сколько зим, сколько лет!
– Good heavens! – the thin one was astonished. – Misha! Friend of my childhood! Where did you spring from?
– Батюшки! – изумился тонкий. – Миша! Друг детства! Откуда ты взялся?
The friends kissed three times and turned upon each other eyes full of tears. Both were pleasantly stunned.
Приятели троекратно облобызались и устремили друг на друга глаза, полные слез. Оба были приятно ошеломлены.
– My dear man! – the thin one began after the kissing. – This I did not expect! What a surprise! Well, take a good look at me now! Just as handsome as ever! Just as much the dandy and the charmer! Ah, good Lord! Well, what about you? Rich? Married? I’m married already, as you see... This is my wife here, Luiza, née Wanzenbach... a Lutheran... And this is my son, Nafanail, a pupil in the third class. This, Nafanya, is the friend of my childhood! We were at school together!
– Милый мой! – начал тонкий после лобызания. – Вот не ожидал! Вот сюрприз! Ну, да погляди же на меня хорошенько! Такой же красавец, как и был! Такой же душонок и щеголь! Ах ты, господи! Ну, что же ты? Богат? Женат? Я уже женат, как видишь... Это вот моя жена, Луиза, урожденная Ванценбах... лютеранка... А это сын мой, Нафанаил, ученик III класса. Это, Нафаня, друг моего детства! В гимназии вместе учились!
Nafanail thought a moment and took off his cap.
Нафанаил немного подумал и снял шапку.
– We were at school together! – the thin one went on. – Remember what they used to tease you with? They called you Herostratus, because you burned a school library book with a cigarette, and they called me Ephialtes, because I was fond of telling tales. Ho-ho... We were children! Don’t be shy, Nafanya! Come a little closer to him... And this is my wife, née Wanzenbach... a Lutheran.
– В гимназии вместе учились! – продолжал тонкий. – Помнишь, как тебя дразнили? Тебя дразнили Геростратом за то, что ты казенную книжку папироской прожег, а меня Эфиальтом за то, что я ябедничать любил. Хо-хо... Детьми были! Не бойся, Нафаня! Подойди к нему поближе... А это моя жена, урожденная Ванценбах... лютеранка.
Nafanail thought a moment and hid behind his father’s back.
Нафанаил немного подумал и спрятался за спину отца.
– Well, how are you getting on, my friend? – asked the fat one, gazing delightedly at his friend. – In the service somewhere? How far have you risen?
– Ну, как живешь, друг? – спросил толстый, восторженно глядя на друга. – Служишь где? Дослужился?
– In the service, my dear man! Collegiate assessor going on two years now, and I have my Stanislaus. The pay is poor... but never mind! The wife gives music lessons, and I make wooden cigarette cases on the side. Splendid cigarette cases! I sell them at a rouble apiece. If anyone takes ten or more, then, you understand, there’s a discount. We rub along somehow. I was in a department, you know, and now I’ve been transferred here as a head clerk in the same line... I’ll be serving here. Well, and you? A State Councillor by now, I’ll bet? Eh?
– Служу, милый мой! Коллежским асессором уже второй год и Станислава имею. Жалованье плохое... ну, да бог с ним! Жена уроки музыки дает, я портсигары приватно из дерева делаю. Отличные портсигары! По рублю за штуку продаю. Если кто берет десять штук и более, тому, понимаешь, уступка. Пробавляемся кое-как. Служил, знаешь, в департаменте, а теперь сюда переведен столоначальником по тому же ведомству... Здесь буду служить. Ну, а ты как? Небось, уже статский? А?
– No, my dear man, aim higher, – said the fat one. – I’ve risen as far as privy councillor already... I have two stars.
– Нет, милый мой, поднимай повыше, – сказал толстый. – Я уже до тайного дослужился... Две звезды имею.
The thin one suddenly turned pale, went rigid as stone, but soon his face twisted in every direction in the broadest of smiles; it seemed that sparks were showering from his face and eyes. He himself shrank, hunched, narrowed... His suitcases, bundles, and bandboxes shrank, crumpled... His wife’s long chin grew longer still; Nafanail drew himself up to attention and did up all the buttons of his uniform...
Тонкий вдруг побледнел, окаменел, но скоро лицо его искривилось во все стороны широчайшей улыбкой; казалось, что от лица и глаз его посыпались искры. Сам он съежился, сгорбился, сузился... Его чемоданы, узлы и картонки съежились, поморщились... Длинный подбородок жены стал еще длиннее; Нафанаил вытянулся во фрунт и застегнул все пуговки своего мундира...
– I, Your Excellency... Most delighted, sir! A friend, one might say, of childhood, and suddenly come up in the world to be such a grandee, sir! Hee-hee, sir.
– Я, ваше превосходительство... Очень приятно-с! Друг, можно сказать, детства и вдруг вышли в такие вельможи-с! Хи-хи-с.
– Oh, come now! – the fat one frowned. – What’s this tone for? You and I are friends of childhood – what’s all this deference to rank!
– Ну, полно! – поморщился толстый. – Для чего этот тон? Мы с тобой друзья детства – и к чему тут это чинопочитание!
– For pity’s sake... What are you saying, sir... – the thin one tittered, shrinking even smaller. – Your Excellency’s gracious attention... is a kind of life-giving balm, as it were... This here, Your Excellency, is my son Nafanail... my wife Luiza, a Lutheran, in a manner of speaking...
– Помилуйте... Что вы-с... – захихикал тонкий, еще более съеживаясь. – Милостивое внимание вашего превосходительства... вроде как бы живительной влаги... Это вот, ваше превосходительство, сын мой Нафанаил... жена Луиза, лютеранка, некоторым образом...
The fat one was about to object to something, but on the thin one’s face there was written such reverence, such sweetness, such deferential sourness, that the privy councillor felt sick. He turned away from the thin one and gave him his hand in parting.
Толстый хотел было возразить что-то, но на лице у тонкого было написано столько благоговения, сладости и почтительной кислоты, что тайного советника стошнило. Он отвернулся от тонкого и подал ему на прощанье руку.
The thin one shook three fingers, bowed with his whole torso, and tittered like a Chinese man: "hee-hee-hee." The wife smiled. Nafanail scraped his foot and dropped his cap. All three were pleasantly stunned.
Тонкий пожал три пальца, поклонился всем туловищем и захихикал, как китаец: "хи-хи-хи". Жена улыбнулась. Нафанаил шаркнул ногой и уронил фуражку. Все трое были приятно ошеломлены.

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