Stories · 1883

A Poisonous Affair

Ядовитый случай

Headnote

"A Poisonous Affair" ("Ядовитый случай") is a two-page squib from 1883, belonging to the flood of comic newspaper filler Chekhov produced under his early pseudonyms while training as a doctor. It is built on a single absurdity, delivered and closed inside a page: the anecdote-with-a-sting form that made him useful, and famous, in the humor weeklies before anyone was calling him a serious writer.

The premise turns on office boredom. A hack journalist, S. M., killing time in a newspaper’s counting-room while he waits to be paid, idly works his way through the subscription slips – and recognizes an address. Five years earlier a woman named Elena Petrovna Pyavkina had run off with a thousand rubles of his money; now he has found her. His triumph is instant and entirely without complication – he treats the secretary to dinner on the strength of it – and by the next day he is at his lawyer’s office setting the machinery of the law in motion against her.

The title’s sting is in the name. "Pyavkina" derives from *pyavka*, leech – Chekhov plants the joke that the "poisonous case" belongs as much to her as to the venom of exposure that finds her out after five years of hiding. The story offers no verdict on her guilt, her circumstances, or what will happen to her; it ends on the narrator’s one sardonic line – "Poor Elena Petrovna!" – and lets the reader supply everything the young journeyman writer declines to spell out.

How dangerous it can sometimes be to subscribe to newspapers is shown by the following case, which took place not long ago in one of the Moscow editorial offices.
Как опасно иногда выписывать газеты, свидетельствует следующий случай, имевший место не так давно в одной из московских редакций.
The feuilletonist S. M., waiting for the editor, to whom he had come for his fee, sat in the office, yawned, and, having nothing better to do, leafed through the account books. Beside him sat the secretary, running a blunt pencil over the desk. And have you ever seen an editorial desk? An interesting kind of desk! They are all scratched, stained, scrawled over with doodles, little faces, signatures. Signatures of well-known people turn up often enough... These scrawls are telling: they bear witness to how long a fee is waited for, and how tedious the getting of it is... Having tired of the books, S. M. mechanically took the pencil from the secretary’s hand and began running it over the "Don Bee"... Boredom! From the pencil he moved on to the shelf of addresses. It is an ordinary sort of shelf, on which lie little bundles. Each bundle consists of slips of paper, and on each slip is written a subscriber’s address. S. M. began lazily looking through the bundles... Yeltsy, Berdyansk, Oryol, Skuratovo... the Ivanovs, the Petrovs, the Sidorovs... Tedious!
Фельетонист С. М., в ожидании редактора, к которому он явился за получением гонорара, сидел в конторе, зевал и от нечего делать перелистывал конторские книги. Возле него сидел секретарь и водил тупым карандашом по столу. А вы видели когда-нибудь редакционные столы? Интересные столы! Они все исцарапаны, запачканы, исписаны каракульками, рожицами, подписями. Попадаются нередко подписи известных людей... Эти каракульки знаменательны: они свидетельствуют, как долго ожидается гонорар и как скучно его получение... Повозившись с книгами, С. М. машинально взял из рук секретаря карандаш и начал им водить по "Донской пчеле"... Скука! От карандаша он перешел к полочке с адресами. Это обыкновенные полочки, на которых лежат маленькие пачечки. Каждая пачечка состоит из бумажек, на каждой бумажке начертан адрес подписчика. С. М. начал лениво рассматривать пачечки... Ельцы, Бердянски, Орлы, Скурато... Ивановы, Петровы, Сидоровы... Скучно!
"Hm... who’s this, Elena Petrovna Pyavkina? Hm... in Rostov-on-Don... The devil! It’s her!"
"Гм... Какая же это Елена Петровна Пьявкина? Гм... В Ростове-на-Дону... Чёрт возьми! Это она!"
S. M. turned Pyavkina’s address over in his hands and read it once more...
С. М. повертел в руках адрес Пьявкиной и еще раз прочел его...
"Yes, it’s her! – he decided. – Five years ago she ran off from me and made away with a thousand rubles... Hm... For five years I looked for her and never found her... Delighted! I must take measures."
"Да, это она! – порешил он. – Пять лет тому назад она бежала от меня и утащила тысячу рублей... Гм... Пять лет я искал ее и не находил... Очень рад! Надо принять меры".
The feuilletonist wrote down Elena Petrovna’s address, smiled, and, exultant, paced about the office.
Фельетонист записал адрес Елены Петровны, улыбнулся и, ликующий, зашагал по конторе.
– I’m treating you to dinner today! – he said, turning to the secretary. – On me!
– Я вас угощаю сегодня обедом! – обратился он к секретарю. – С меня магарыч!
The next day S. M. was at his lawyer’s. Poor Elena Petrovna!
На другой день С. М. был у своего адвоката. Бедная Елена Петровна!

Cite this passage

A Poisonous Affair

Pick a format and click Copy. The permalink jumps any reader to this exact section.

Support this project

Free to read here. Buy the ebook to support the work.

Ebook coming soon

The ebook edition in this language is on its way.(English)