Letter · 1880

To N. P. and I. P. Chekhov, 28 April 1880. Moscow.

H. П. и И. П. Чеховым, 28 апреля 1880 г. Москва,

Headnote

This is not one letter but a bundle of them, copied into the collected correspondence under a single date and a single sheet: Chekhov was twenty and in his second year at Moscow University, sharing cramped rooms with his elder brother Alexander and writing home, in the same sitting, to two different kinsmen – their godfather Nikolai Petrovich (an editor’s business proposal relayed on his behalf), and their younger brother Ivan, still at school. Alexander’s hand opens the letter; Anton’s closes it, and the two voices trade off through nonsense signatures ("Alex. Chandler," a joke on the family name) and a private refrain – the word "squint-eyed" (kosoi), inserted six times for no reason the text explains, evidently a running joke between the brothers that needed no gloss for its intended reader.

The business underneath the noise is real: Kicheev, editor of the satirical weekly The Alarm Clock, wants Alexander – who had begun placing comic drawings and sketches in the Moscow humor press – to come work for him, having noticed his contributions to a rival paper, The Demon. Around this sits a thicket of student self-mockery: an anatomy exam scraped through with a 3, a German mark salvaged only by an examiner nicknamed "Julius Caesar," a demand for power of attorney to collect money from an art dealer for their mother. The Ivan Pavlovich section is pure holiday burlesque – a New Year’s greeting built entirely from invented, grammatically correct but semantically empty Russian ("driving a lamp into the chastity of cream of tartar with a hammer"), the kind of deadpan glossolalia the brothers performed for each other’s amusement and that the professional Antosha Chekhonte would soon learn to sell.

Nothing here anticipates the mature Chekhov; that is exactly its use. It is a document of a large, teasing, in-joke-saturated family finding its comic timing on each other before any of it went into print, and of Anton already serving, at twenty, as the practical middleman – passing on an editor’s offer, chasing down money for his mother – underneath all the noise.

28 April 1880. Moscow.
28 апреля 1880 г. Москва,
In the hand of Al. P. Chekhov:
S_q_u_i_n_t_-_e_y_e_d Here and elsewhere in the letter the word "squint-eyed" is inserted six times by Chekhov. Godfather!
К_о_с_о_й Здесь и далее в письме слово "косой" шесть раз вставлено Чеховым. Padr’yшка!
S_q_u_i_n_t_-_e_y_e_d Nikolai Petrovich Kicheev, editor of the s_q_u_i_n_t_-_e_y_e_d "Alarm Clock," asks you to work for him as an artist. He has seen your pieces in "The Demon" and, learning that they were yours, earnestly asks you to call on him the moment you arrive. I told him I would pass the request on to you, but that you would hardly be in a s_q_u_i_n_t_-_e_y_e_d_ enough state to offer him your services, because you have The last third of the manuscript leaf is missing. told, that your terms could not inconvenience him. Which I hereby inform you of. I have just sat an examination, got a 5, and am off with Alton and, perhaps, Novashin to Sokolniki to share out over punch a s_q_u_i_n_t_-_e_y_e_d_ little bottle of cognac No. 197.
К_о_с_о_й Редактор _к_о_с_о_г_о "Будильника" Николай Петрович Кичеев просит тебя сотрудничать у него в качестве художника. Он видел твои работы в "Бесе" и, узнав, что это твои, убедительно просит тебя пожаловать к нему, как только ты приедешь. Я сказал ему, что просьбу его тебе передам, но что ты едва ли будешь в _к_о_с_о_м_ состоянии предложить ему свои услуги, потому что у тебя Последняя треть листа автографа отсутствует. тил, что твои условия стеснить его не могут. О чем тебя и уведомляю. Сейчас я держал экзамен, получил 5 и еду с Алтоном и, может быть, с Новашиным в Сокольники распить пуншем _к_о_с_у_ю_ бутылочку коньячку No 197.
A pity the s_q_u_i_n_t_-_e_y_e_d_ one of you is not with us.
Шалею, что тебя _к_о_с_о_г_о_ нет с нами.
Yours, Alex. Chandler?
Твой Алекс. Chandler?
Regards to Ioannnnnnnnnnnnnnn, one n for each letter of his name.
Поклон Иоанннннннннннниннну по количеству буквы "н".
Fylippypypypp.
Фылипыпыпыпп.
Dearest
Любезнейший
Nikolai Pavlovich!
You charged me with going to Avantso for money for our mother and to settle the proper terms, but at the same time you were so much of an ox that you left me no power of attorney of the form: "To the bearer hereof, and so forth." Trusting that you will send this power of attorney, I remain your well-wisher and benefactor, your brother, strict but just.
Ты поручил мне идти к Аванцо за деньгами для матери и для заключения надлежащих условий, но вместе с сим ты был толиким быком, что не оставил мне доверенности в виде: "Подателю сего и прочее". Будучи уверен, что ты пришлешь сию доверенность, остаюсь твой доброжелатель и благодетель, брат твой строгий, но справедливый.
A. Chekhov.
At the same time I inform you, squint-eyed Ivan Ivanovich Priklonsky and squint-eyed Ivan Ivanovich Lyadov and squint-eyed Ivan Ivanovich Loboda and squint-eyed Ivan Ivanych Enyakin and squint-eyed Chekhov, that in anatomy I received a 3 (sic!), and in German, from Julius Caesar, an F. 4.
Вместе с тем уведомляю тебя, косой Иван Иванович Приклонский и косой Иван Иванович Лядов и косой Иван Иванович Лобода и косой Иван Иваныч Енякин и косой Чехов, что по анатомии я получил 3 (sic!), a по немецкому у Юлия Цезаря Ф. 4.
A. Chekhov.
А. Чехов.
Dear brother
Дорогой брат
I have the honor to congratulate you on the New Year and on new happiness, and to wish you everything of the best. God grant that you be happy hereafter, and above all – that you become an archpriest. Forgive me for not having written to you so long; you know yourself there was no time: I was salting back alleys and driving a lamp into the chastity of cream of tartar with a hammer. Bow, on my behalf, to the mayor of Astrakhan, and tell him from me that I am displeased with his wife, because Mariupol cannot be rubbed on a bow, the way rosin can. The Armenians and the peacock feathers, with a whistle and without one, send you their regards and thank you for the loosing of the heavenly weights and the pealing of bells. And so, wishing you everything of the best and the good, I remain your brother, who has written these alkaline and sanitary lines.
Честь имею поздравить тебя с Новым годом и с новым счастьем и пожелать тебе всего лучшего. Дай бог тебе впоследствии быть счастливым, а главное – быть протоиереем. Ты извини меня, что я тебе так долго не писал; сам знаешь, времени не было: переулки солил да в целомудрие кремертартара молотком лампу вбивал. Кланяйся от меня астраханскому городскому голове и скажи ему от меня, что я на его жену недоволен за то, что Мариуполем нельзя намазывать смычок, как канифолем. Армяне и павлиновые перья с присвистом и без оного тебе кланяются и благодарят тебя за распущение гирь небесных и колокольный треск. А затем, пожелав тебе всего лучшего и хорошего, остаюсь твой брат, написавший эти щелочные и санитарные строки.
A. Chekhov.
А. Чехов.
Brothers, let us be chaste, as the Romans were!!!
Братья, будем целомудренны, как римляне!!!

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To N. P. and I. P. Chekhov, 28 April 1880. Moscow.

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