Stories · 1883

List of Exhibitors Awarded Cast-Iron Medals in the Russian Section at the Amsterdam Exhibition

Список экспонентов, удостоенных чугунных медалей по русскому отделу на выставке в амстердаме

Headnote

"List of Exhibitors Awarded Cast-Iron Medals in the Russian Section at the Amsterdam Exhibition" dates from 1883, deep in Chekhov’s apprentice years under the signature Antosha Chekhonte, when he was turning out captions, calendars, and mock documents for the Moscow humor weeklies at a pace that still startles. The piece borrows its form from the international exhibitions of the period – Amsterdam hosted a large World’s Fair in 1883 – and from the printed prize lists such exhibitions produced. Chekhov’s version awards not gold, silver, or bronze but cast iron: the lowest, ugliest medal imaginable, handed out for civic and institutional vice rather than merit.

The list is a rapid tour of the era’s stock targets – venal officials, forged paper, a legal and clerical culture greased by bribery – rendered as a single sentence per entry, in the flat, comma-spliced diction of an actual award citation. A few items sharpen into something closer to reportage: the Rostov-on-Don theater’s tableaux vivants staged on the day of Ivan Turgenev’s funeral (Turgenev died in September 1883, and his memory was very much live copy that autumn) and the jab at provincial teachers for their "impartial" low opinion of Turgenev himself, both register as topical rather than generic. The entry for Mr. Pchelnikov, an actual functionary of the Moscow Imperial Theaters, and his aide Gershelman is aimed at a real administration Chekhov and his readers would have recognized; the piece does not spare its own century’s casual antisemitism in describing him, a detail this edition preserves rather than launders, as the period’s ugliness rather than the author’s endorsement of it.

Chekhov closes the list with himself: entry fourteen awards him a medal "for being" – and the punchline, set off as its own line, is the pseudonym Chekhonte was using across this period, "A Man Without a Spleen." The joke folds the whole mock-institutional structure back onto its author, refusing the list any exemption for its own maker. It is disposable ephemera by design – a single column-filler among dozens – but the closing self-mockery is already the same reflex that would later refuse to let any of Chekhov’s narrators claim the last word.

AWARDED CAST-IRON MEDALS
УДОСТОЕННЫХ ЧУГУННЫХ МЕДАЛЕЙ
IN THE RUSSIAN SECTION AT THE AMSTERDAM EXHIBITION
ПО РУССКОМУ ОТДЕЛУ НА ВЫСТАВКЕ В АМСТЕРДАМЕ
1) The Nizhny Novgorod Fair Commission and the Tomsk public – for anonymous letters. 2) Colonel Grachev in Simferopol – for incomparable tendentiousness and invention. 3) The city of Moscow – for the merchant Kukin. 4) The district pompadour Schlitter in Orenburg – for the preparation and discounting of forged promissory notes. Collegiate Registrars in Petersburg – for elastic spines. 6) Consistory officials – for a gypsy conscience. 7) The management of the theater in Rostov-on-Don – for exceptional obtuseness, expressed with particular vividness in the staging of tableaux vivants on the day of Turgenev’s funeral. 8) The town council in Mogilev-on-Dniester – for forged certificates. 9) The Russian silver ruble – for compressibility at all temperatures. 10) Russian petitioners – for grease. 11) Conductors of the Kh.-Kh.-A. and the Donets Coal Railway – for stowaways. 12) Educators in Tver – for exceptional impartiality in the evaluation of such bad writers as, say, Turgenev. 13) Mr. Pchelnikov and his factotum, the little Jew Gershelman, at the Moscow Directorate of Theaters – for administrative efficiency, tact in general, and for the circular to the ballerinas in particular. 14) I – for being
1) Нижегородская ярмарочная комиссия и томская публика – за анонимные письма. 2) Полковник Грачев в Симферополе – за бесподобное направление и сочинительство. 3) Город Москва – за купца Кукина. 4) Уездный помпадур Шлитер в Оренбурге – за приготовление и учет фальшивых векселей. Коллежские регистраторы в Петербурге – за эластические спинные хребты. 6) Консисторские чиновники – за цыганскую совесть. 7) Администрация театра в Ростове-на-Дону – за отменное тупоумие, выразившееся особенно рельефно в постановке живых картин в день тургеневских похорон. 8) Управа в Могилеве-на-Днестре – за подложные свидетельства. 9) Русский целковый – за сжимаемость при всех температурах. 10) Русские просители – за замазку. 11) Кондуктора К.-Х.-А. и Донецкой каменноугольной ж. д. – за зайцев. 12) Педагоги в Твери – за отменную нетенденциозность в оценке таких плохих писателей, как какой-нибудь Тургенев. 13) Г-н Пчельников и его фактотум жидок Гершельман в Московской дирекции театров – за распорядительность, тактичность вообще и за циркуляр к балеринам в особенности. 14) Я – за то, что я
A Man Without a Spleen.
Человек без селезенки.

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List of Exhibitors Awarded Cast-Iron Medals in the Russian Section at the Amsterdam Exhibition

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