Stories · 1883

The Complaints Book

Жалобная книга

Headnote

1 Zhalobnaya kniga (The Complaints Book) appeared in 1883 in Oskolki (Fragments), signed "A. Chekhonte" – the pseudonym under which the twenty-three-year-old Chekhov was turning out a torrent of short comic pieces for the Petersburg humor weeklies. It belongs to the fastest, most purely formal end of that early work: not a story at all in the ordinary sense, but a sequence of found documents, the entries a real Russian provincial railway station kept in a book set aside for passenger complaints.

2 The device is the whole joke, and Chekhov trusts it completely: no narrator intrudes to explain or comment after the opening lines, no entry answers or acknowledges another. What accumulates instead is a small, composite portrait of provincial Russia talking to itself when it thinks no one important is listening – petty grudges against a conductor or a gendarme, a seminarian’s failed attempt at righteous indignation that dissolves into its own crossings-out, a semi-literate love confession sitting beside a semi-literate denunciation, a pun, a doodle, a proverb. The comic illiteracies and misspellings in several entries (a peasant’s "approaching to this here station," a drunk telegraphist’s tirade) are in the original Russian as written; they characterize the writer, not the transcriber, and the translation preserves the same broken, self-important, or barely-schooled voices without smoothing them into correctness.

3 Nothing here is explained because nothing needs to be: the reader supplies the station, the bored passengers, the overworked gendarme, out of the entries themselves. It is an early instance of a method Chekhov would keep and deepen for the rest of his life – let the concrete particular carry the meaning, and say nothing yourself.

It lies there, this book, in the little writing-desk built specially for it at the railway station. The key to the desk "is kept by the station gendarme," but in fact no key is needed at all, since the desk is never locked. Open the book and read:
Лежит она, эта книга, в специально построенной для нее конторке на станции железной дороги. Ключ от конторки "хранится у станционного жандарма", на деле же никакого ключа не нужно, так как конторка всегда отперта. Раскрывайте книгу и читайте:
"Dear Sir! A trial of the pen!?"
"Милостивый государь! Проба пера!?"
Under this is drawn a little face with a long nose and horns. Under the little face is written:
Под этим нарисована рожица с длинным носом и рожками. Под рожицей написано:
"You’re a picture, I’m a portrait; you’re a beast, and I am not. I – am your mug."
"Ты картина, я портрет, ты скотина, а я нет. Я – морда твоя".
"Approaching to this here station and looking at the countryside out the window, my hat blew off. I. Yarmonkin."
"Подъезжая к сией станцыи и глядя на природу в окно, у меня слетела шляпа. И. Ярмонкин".
"Who wrote this I do not know, but I, the fool, am reading it."
"Кто писал не знаю, а я дурак читаю".
"Left as a memento – the head of the complaints desk, Kolovroyev."
"Оставил память начальник стола претензий Коловроев".
"I bring to the attention of the authorities my complaint against the Conductor Kuchkin for his rudeness toward my wife. My wife did not make any noise whatsoever, but on the contrary tried to see that everything stayed quiet. And also concerning the gendarme Klyatvin, who took me Rudely by the shoulder. I reside on the estate of Andrei Ivanovich Ishcheyev, who is acquainted with my conduct. Clerk Samoluchshev."
"Приношу начальству мою жалобу на Кондуктора Кучкина за его грубости в отношении моей жене. Жена моя вовсе не шумела, а напротив старалась чтоб всё было тихо. А также и насчет жандарма Клятвина который меня Грубо за плечо взял. Жительство имею в имении Андрея Ивановича Ищеева который знает мое поведение. Конторщик Самолучшев".
"Никандров социалист!"
"Being under the fresh impression of an outrageous act... (crossed out). Passing through this station, I was indignant to the depths of my soul at the following... (crossed out). Before my very eyes there occurred the following outrageous incident, painting our railway order of things in the brightest of colors... (all further text crossed out, save the signature). Pupil of the seventh class, Kursk Gymnasium, Alexei Zudyev."
"Находясь под свежим впечатлением возмутительного поступка... (зачеркнуто). Проезжая через эту станцию, я был возмущен до глубины души следующим... (зачеркнуто). На моих глазах произошло следующее возмутительное происшествие, рисующее яркими красками наши железнодорожные порядки... (далее всё зачеркнуто, кроме подписи). Ученик 7-го класса Курской гимназии Алексей Зудьев".
"While awaiting the departure of the train I surveyed the physiognomy of the stationmaster and remained thoroughly displeased with it. I hereby declare this along the line. An Unfaltering Excursionist."
"В ожидании отхода поезда обозревал физиогномию начальника станции и остался ею весьма недоволен. Объявляю о сем по линии. Неунывающий дачник".
"I know who wrote this. It was M. D."
"Я знаю кто это писал. Это писал М. Д.".
"Gentlemen! Teltsovsky is a card sharp!"
"Господа! Тельцовский шуллер!"
"The gendarme’s wife went off across the river yesterday with Kostka the buffet man. We wish everyone the very best. Don’t lose heart, gendarme!"
"Жандармиха ездила вчера с буфетчиком Костькой за реку. Желаем всего лучшего. Не унывай жандарм!"
"Passing through the station and being hungry, in respect of what there might be to eat, I could not find any Lenten fare. Deacon Dukhov."
"Проезжая через станцию и будучи голоден в рассуждении чего бы покушать я не мог найти постной пищи. Дьякон Духов".
"Eat what you’re given"...
"Лопай, что дают"...
"Whoever finds a leather cigarette-case, let him hand it in at the ticket office to Andrei Yegorych."
"Кто найдет кожаный портсигар тот пущай отдаст в кассу Андрею Егорычу".
"Since I am being driven from the service on the grounds that I am supposedly a drunkard, I hereby declare that all of you are swindlers and thieves. Telegraphist Kozmodemyansky."
"Так как меня прогоняют со службы, будто я пьянствую, то объявляю, что все вы мошенники и воры. Телеграфист Козьмодемьянский".
"Adorn yourselves with virtue."
"Добродетелью украшайтесь".
"Katinka, I love you madly!"
"Катинька, я вас люблю безумно!"
"I request that nothing extraneous be written in the complaints book. For the stationmaster, Ivanov the Seventh."
"Прошу в жалобной книге не писать посторонних вещей. За начальника станции Иванов 7-й".
"Seventh you may be, but a fool all the same."
"Хоть ты и седьмой, а дурак".

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The Complaints Book

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