Stories · 1886

A List of Persons Entitled to Free Admission

Список лиц, имеющих право на бесплатный проезд по русским железным дорогам

Headnote

1 "A List of Persons Entitled to Free Travel on the Russian Railways" (1886) is a short comic sketch cast in the deadpan form of an official regulation. It itemizes, class by class – First, Second, and Third – exactly who may ride the state railways without paying, and the joke is that the list grows ever more absurd as it descends the carriages: not merely employees, but their relatives to every conceivable degree, governesses and mistresses, card-playing landowning neighbors of stationmasters, the creditors of employees, and finally, in Second Class, the railway’s own horses, donkeys, and oxen.

2 The piece belongs to Chekhov’s early "small genres" period, when he wrote rapid comic filler for the humor magazines under pseudonyms such as Antosha Chekhonte, mimicking bureaucratic and journalistic forms (regulations, calendars, dictionaries, complaint books) to satirize petty corruption and nepotism in Russian institutional life. Here the target is the railways: a notoriously graft-ridden, favor-trading sector of the 1880s economy, where free passes ("literny bilet") were a real and much-abused perquisite of employees and their connections. The final note – that paying passengers denied a seat by the crowd of freeloaders may at least stand, lie under the benches, or hang from hooks – delivers the sketch’s real point: the honest fare-payer is squeezed out entirely by a system built on privilege.

OF PERSONS ENTITLED TO FREE TRAVEL ON THE RUSSIAN RAILWAYS
ИМЕЮЩИХ ПРАВО НА БЕСПЛАТНЫЙ ПРОЕЗД ПО РУССКИМ ЖЕЛЕЗНЫМ ДОРОГАМ
In a First-Class Carriage:
В вагоне I класса:
1) All railway employees without exception, together with their assistants, their assistants’ assistants, and the assistants of those assistants.
1) Все без исключения железнодорожные служащие, их помощники, помощницы и помощники помощников.
Note. Railway personnel of the lower orders, such as have smeared noses and dirty clothing (greasers, depot workmen, and the like), do not enjoy free travel.
Примечание. Железнодорожные чины низшего порядка, имеющие замазанные носы и грязное платье (смазчики, рабочие депо и проч.), бесплатным проездом не пользуются.
2) The wives of employees, their parents, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, sisters-in-law, sisters, brothers, mothers-in-law, aunts, godfathers, godparents, godchildren, foster-brothers, cousins, nephews, and in general relations of every degree and line, governesses, nursemaids, kept women, and lady friends of every description.
2) Жены служащих, их родители, дети, внуки, правнуки, свояченицы, сестры, братья, тещи, тетки, кумовья, крестные родители, крестники, молочные братья, кузены, племянники, вообще родственники всех колен и линий, гувернантки, бонны, обже и альфонсины.
3) Station buffet-keepers, their wives, and their acquaintances.
3) Станционные буфетчики, их жены и знакомые.
4) Landowners – neighbors of the stationmasters – who come to the station to play cards, together with their wives and relations.
4) Помещики – соседи начальников станций, приезжающие на станцию играть в винт, их жены и родственники.
5) Guests of the employees.
5) Гости служащих.
Note. In the event of a protracted leave-taking of guests, the stationmaster is entitled to hold the train for ten to twenty minutes.
Примечание. В случае продолжительного прощания с гостями начальник станции имеет право задержать поезд на 10–20 минут.
6) All acquaintances of the head conductor, without exception.
6) Все без исключения знакомые поездного обер-кондуктора.
7) Creditors of railway employees.
7) Кредиторы железнодорожных служащих.
In a Second-Class Carriage:
В вагоне II класса:
1) The valets of employees, together with their cooks, coachmen, housemaids, and chimney-sweeps.
1) Камердинеры служащих, их повара, кухарки, кучера, горничные и трубочисты.
2) The servants of relations and acquaintances.
2) Прислуга родственников и знакомых.
3) The relations and acquaintances of servants.
3) Родственники и знакомые прислуги.
4) Railway horses, donkeys, and oxen.
4) Железнодорожные лошади, ослы и быки.
In a Third-Class Carriage:
В вагоне III класса:
1) Passengers who have paid for First or Second Class but have failed to find themselves a seat in the First- and Second-Class carriages, these being packed full of free passengers.
1) Пассажиры, уплатившие за I или II класс, но не нашедшие себе места в вагонах I и II классов, набитых бесплатными пассажирами.
Note. The aforesaid passengers are permitted to travel standing. The Board of the Libau-Romny Railway further permits them, should they so wish, to lie beneath the benches or to hang from the hooks.
Примечание. Названным пассажирам дозволяется ехать стоя. Правление же Либаво-Роменской дороги разрешает им также, буде угодно, лежать под скамьями или висеть на крючках.

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